Written by Australian Warlord at 01:51 27/2-2012
This appeared in Chat Tabloid’s chatline today.
Insane Reporter: “This week Australia gained its 11th team into the top 3 divisions. Now this mightn’t seem like much to the Dutch horde, however some quick numbers to put this into perspective.
Top 9 divisions = 1526 teams
Top 3 divisions = 180 teams
Ratio = 11.80%
Aussies in Top 9 divisions = 48 teams
Aussies in Top 3 divisions = 11 teams
Ratio = 22.92%
Numbers state the facts; Australia is overrepresented in the top 3 divisions. To get two independent viewpoints on this, we’re joined by Equal Opportunity Commissioner Priscilla Combers, and Psychologist Simon Simpleton. Welcome.”
Priscilla: “Good to be here.”
Simon: “Always a pleasure.”
Insane Reporter: “Firstly, Australians are claiming this to be a good achievement. Is this how you see things?”
Simon: “Absolutely not.”
Priscilla: “Not at all.”
Insane Reporter: “Ok, we know you insist of being first Priscilla, so my question is why not?”
Priscilla: “This overrepresentation is discriminatory, and very typical of Aussie’s boy’s club to deny those from other nations their fair representation in OCM’s top divisions. This is a throwback to archaic times when Aussies kept women chained by a stove and native slaves chained out back.”
Simon: “I view this more as an unhealthily pursuit of an arbitrary goal. So many Australian teams in the top divisions can only send a message to the young that achievement is important. That’s a bad thing.”
Insane Reporter: “Is Australia at risk of losing its moral compass to the extent of say, Silco?”
Priscilla: “We’re already past there.”
Simon: “Priscilla is correct. I know you’ll all say that these Australian teams haven’t scammed new teams out of good riders’ etcetera, however so many Australian teams in the top 3 divisions produce futile breeding ground for this type of behaviour.”
Insane Reporter: “What do you think should be done to correct this?”
Priscilla: “We must immediately ban excess Aussie teams from OCM’s top 3 Divisions beginning with the latest entries. Australian Warlord, Team Jayco and ANZ must go for a start.”
Simon: “And as professional soccer has shown, it’s unhealthy for somebody to have authority over two leading teams (club & NT); so Telstra should have their profitable riders privatised, leaving those riders which nobody wants.”
Priscilla: “Dodge also needs to be removed, for their team of Aussie riders is a double insult to EOC.”
Simon: “GLT27 must go too. Names sounding like cars provide bad role models to the impressionable.
Priscilla: “And we need to penalise Australia for this; if we don’t then we’ll be telling everybody this is acceptable behaviour. The Equal Opportunity Board will be recommending for the stripping down of another 6 top Aussie teams--.
Simon: “As a message to others of course.”
Priscilla: “Of course.”
Insane Reporter: “But that will leave Australia with no teams in the top 3 divisions. Wouldn’t that result in underrepre--“
Priscilla: “With justification.”
Simon: “It’ll provide a healthy reprioritisation of goals, which can only assist all involved.”
Insane Reporter: “There you have it listeners, Australian teams need to be punished for their overrepresentation in the top 3 divisions, before it gets any further out of hand. Now over to today’s weather.”
That was Chat Tabloids. Good to know they’re alive and kicking.
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Comments
No sense in having a boring PR Pees.
Syria has 1 ranked team....average rank #7.
Win!
Warlord... no offense... but you are one twisted knot
Interesting article. Oh god...looks like competition to be best in Australia will be hard...
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